recently...

well i must say in this holiday i've see alot of things more clearly.
i got a better draft of what kind of person i wanna be.

to start.......
i realised ppl stopped telling me i'm very 感性
while reading my blog.

i'm not sure whether it's a good thing or not,
but at least i changed,
i define that "change" as an improvement,
at least i'm not the old dull 感性 martin all the time.

today went badminton,
saw two ppl lcly,
come challenge me,
in the end i own them like they doesn't even worth defeating,
but in the other hand i do feel a little bit of the old me while playing with them.

last time while i was going chess competition all the time,
i defeated quite some highlight pros and got too proud,
in the end i was owned by my own fren who is just a normal player.

but now the current me,
prefer to refine my skills,
max them to the extreme before showing it in front of public.
hmm.... i guess that's more mature.....
and even when i failed to do something,
my humiliation would be reduced to the minimum.

i used to be the role model among my frens,
and the idol of many other parents,
as time passed,
i found myself ain't that perfect actually.

now i'm just a nobody,
preparing everything to be that somebody,
somebody to maybe my family,
my society, my country, or just some special girl.

well...... i should have done this in the very first place,
i mean i should be aware of the day i will become nothing,
while i was something.
but it's ok
i dun think its too late to wake up now. =)

after chatting with my best friend,
and see how he treat his girlfriend,
i realised i still have much more to learn.

btw, dun be mistaken,
i'm not comparing myself to the world,
theres no point winning the whole world either,
it's just that i really think i'm still quite far,
from being an ideal boyfriend.

by "ideal" i mean as in
knowing the to do and not to do a boyfriend should know,
ya, i'm still learning.

we talked about our pass girlfriends,
we discuss about our mistakes,
we imagined that day we bring our girlfriends to primary gathering...
we analysis differnt type of girls we met in school
hahaha...... and i got a better idea on what kind of girl suites me. XD

and there's no point for that one person,
who you dont even know whether she's alive or not,
since it has been a pleasant memory for like 8 years,
just let it be a pleasant memory for eternity and keep moving on,
instead of day dreaming, hoping it will become reality once again.

even if we meet again someday in the future,
i should just invite her to a coffee shop,
talk abt those blissful moments we have been through before
think of the flashbacks when we were little all over again,
and say "goodbye, take care" to each other at the end of the day,
wishing each other to have a better life with some other person.
ya, i think my story deserves this kind of happy ending. =)

as loyce said,
你在选人家，人家也在选你。
i wont say we shouldn't ask too much from ppl around us,
because i believe when we request someone to change,
we hope they can be a better person.

but yet, before we request for something,
we should prove to the other party,
that we are worthy to ask for something from them.

on the other hand,
there's nothing wrong to request something
even if you're still not worthy to others to believe in,
but if you were worth others to believe in,
the chance of others accepting ur comments would be higher isn't it?

so just improve yourself,
for the sake of your own self and others.

dunno why,
i'm highly attracted to blonde hair girls lately,
it like when i have the feel to turn around,
the first person i see is blond haired.
and i was like "woah..... O.O" hahaha.
is this a message from god or something?
alright dun think too much.

you know cartoons ain't that bad for adults you know?
(erm.... i'm 18 liao, so pls accept the fact that i'm classified as an adult)
after summarizing the moral values i got from several movies and series,
i found this quote that's suites me
"it's not what you were or what you will be that makes you who you are,
it's the present which defines what kind of person you really is."
i will keep this in mind.

i might have hurt quite a few girls in the pass,
i tried my best to treat other girls nicely.
try to make them happy,
try to understand a woman's heart,
and of course try to reduce my guiltiness.

yet, i think i should stop doing that....
well i enjoyed helping others,
i enjoyed being there for ppl when they need me,
i felt relieved when i actually mean something in their hearts.
but i wasn't doing it for a completely positive purpose.

what ever happend in the pass,
should stay in the pass.
that's why we dont name those things as "present" or "future"

then what should i do now?
keep being nice to girls,
keep being there for them,
keep learning to understand them,
for the sake of their happiness only, NOTHING ELSE. =)

i'm not really doing something grand or marvelous,
i just take that as a responsibility,
not in the point of view of a boy,
but in the point of view of Martin.

of course boys are welcome to request for my help too,
but only limited to those who are younger than me.
the rest should have the ability to take care of other younger boys and girls like i do.
well..... thats what i think,
to accept or to oppose it's your choice.

ever since the day i was born,
i having been talking craps,
and ALOT of it too.

some just pure nonsense,
some sarcastic,
some ironic,
some immature,
some childish,
some funny but pointless,
but hey, no1 ever thought me that u know?

it's like a gift from god,
if this is wat u guys mean by "不要酱幼稚啦你"
or "好心你成熟一点啦" as written in my previous birthday cards,
well u guys should give up doing so.

literally this is a part of me,
whether its a positive or negative thing,
see how u think lo......

i think its fine to make others laugh by humiliating yourself,
because as i said before,
i'm easily pleased with ppl's smile.
in the end,
it's just a give and take of joy to me.

but if u ever need a 稳重 and 可靠 version of Martin,
just gimme the signal,
i'll transform immediately. =)

so what you've came up in this holiday?
if you're just studying blindly for ur exams,
facing your comp 24/7,
having meaningless fun with your friends,
i must say u really wasted your holidays.


you should sit back and relax,
decide your new direction once in a while,
instead wandering around in the world.

世界并没有我们看见的那么平凡，
是人们把自己认为不可能的那一块藏在心灵深处，
选择反复地混同样的日子一天一天过，
世界才会变得如此黑白单调。



~End